Unclouded Mind

Wishing for a Miracle

2008-10-11T06:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't really written anything for a long time. It's October. I feel the cold once again. And with it comes the loneliness. Yesterday was the first time that it came back again, after a long time. You know, the feeling that whatever you are doing doesn't really matter much. Sure the job pays for living expenses. Second job for extras. There is a hint of a social life every now and then. But is that it? Is that really all I will be doing?

I'm sure it would be a lot better when you have someone special, someone to pick you up when you're down. It helps having that hand to hold, that body to embrace. Physical contact can do wonders, but when you're emotionally connected to somebody, miracles can happen. Think, how can a single look in her eye or a smile on her face or just watching her go about her chores or work, how can these simple things lift your spirits up even on your direst moment? One word: miracle. And it is only possible when two people have that deep emotional bond called love.

A Filipino in Canada... Major Rant

2007-11-19T07:59:00.000-08:00

Let me start by telling you how my day passes so you can have perspective on what my life is like right now.

I work as a customer service representative for a reputable multinational company. Basically, what I do is to answer member inquiries may it be on the phones or through email. It is quite easy. I say anyone would be able to do my job. In one day, I would talk to about 40-50 different people on the phone trying to help them out, or explain something, or in some cases be at the receiving end of an angry rant. Pretty easy I say because everything you need to answer their inquiries are pretty much on the website already. And most of the scenarios have already been played before by other customers. So it is repetitive. Very much so.

After work, I go straight home. I change clothes, proceed to the kitchen to get a bite, or more often than not, a plate stacked with food. I bring the food in front of the TV where I have two small tables, side by side. One table is set for my food of course, chips, chocolates, crackers, wafers, and whatever I bring from the kitchen. The other is home to my laptop and everything electronic. It is also where I lay my book down. Yes, I am studying to get a real estate license. I'm almost done with that.

So I eat. I switch the computer on. If no one else is around, the TV stays switched off. Maybe not. I switch the TV on too. Then I start reading my book, while eating. Usually I say hi to some friends online and chat with them for a few minutes. I then excuse myself so I can get back to my book. At times they would steal a quick few minutes if they needed help, or just wanted to tell me something. That's what I do until I get sleepy. When the yawns start coming, I stop reading my book, and then I do my night rituals, and then go to sleep.

Every working day, I do those. Every day off that I get, I only do the part where I stay home with my book. That's pretty much what my life is like right now. Boring. Repetitive. No challenge at all.

I crave for the life I had before I came to Canada. I used to live an active lifestyle. I did work too, but the work didn't feel like work at all. I loved my job and I loved the people I work with. The job allowed me to use my brain juices. The people made sure I had fun doing my job. It was challenging and I felt fulfilled while carrying out my duties.

My free time is almost always spent with some friends. We would go get coffee, or a few drinks. We would try out restaurants. We would go to concerts. We would go to bars. We would go to different places in the weekends. We would go to the mall, or play billiards or bowling or table tennis or some other sport. There was so much to do.

At times, I would feel like spending time by myself. I would go to my favorite coffee shop, buy my favorite drink and some pastries, take a table in one corner and start reading my book or just watch the people passing by while listening to some music. Or I would go to the mall by myself and window shop or have a movie marathon. Sometimes I would go pig out. I had so much fun, even when I was alone.

Can you see the big difference? Family and relatives tell me life is good in Canada. I admit, I have more money here. I have a complete entertainment system. I have my own apartment. I can buy stuff whenever I want if I wanted to. I guess they think that should make me happy.

That is so far from the truth. Yes these things give me temporary happiness. When I watch my DVDs, I'm fine. When I play on my Playstation, I'm good. When I go shopping for some gadget or whatever, I'm okay. But all that happiness is temporary. When I'm not doing these things, I feel the emptiness inside me. When I go to work, I go with heavy feet. And if I have a good enough excuse not to go, I will take it. When I study, I do it because I just have to finish it. I am not really doing it to excel at it. When I eat, the food fills me up. I crave for so many other tastes though. When I'm with my parents, I'm okay. But to tell you the truth, I still want the company of my friends.

I find that many people who did not experience the life they wanted in the Philippines would settle for a life like what I have right now. Of course, it is much better than what they had back there. But to someone like me, who was able to do what I want when I want to where I want to, it is not. It's a step down. It doesn't measure up to the quality of life I had.

I miss my old life. I miss going to the different beaches and islands of the Philippines. I miss going out to get the food that I want whenever I want to. I miss going to the mall and just walking in and out of shops. I miss having movie marathons in the theaters. I miss going out anytime of the day or night to get my coffee or a couple of beers. I miss going to concerts and rocking to the music or just falling in love with some love song. I miss my old job. I miss my former coworkers, who have become my friends. I miss my "barkadas". I miss my breakfast buddy. I miss my apartment, my home. I miss my best friends most of all, who are always there for me whenever I need them, or vice versa. I miss the laughter and the tears that life in the Philippines gives me.

*sigh* *bigger sigh*

Just trying something...

2007-10-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

I want this to show the Ebay Employee Trading Policy

VVN's OMG post

SFC Vancouver

2007-06-03T03:13:00.000-07:00

Today I was reunited with my Singles For Christ (SFC from now on). I got a call yesterday from a member of SFC Vancouver West chapter. He invited me to serve in the upcoming Christian Life Program (CLP from now on) to be held every Friday nights. He also let me know of a General Assembly (GA from now on). I went today to see the other members of the serve team.
Arnon, Joan and Eva picked me up and we went to Richmond together. I got to meet more members when we got to the venue. It was fun meeting my fellow SFC, especially because I haven't served for a very long time.

The songs were touching, and at one point, I cried. It was so fun doing that again! I enjoyed the GA so much. I realized my schedule was fixed by the Lord so I can serve Him during this CLP, so I will. Tomorrow, I'm going to the cathedral to hand out flyers for the CLP that's scheduled to start next Friday. I'll be serving with the welcoming committee.

I know He is guiding me right now to do the right things.

So Lord, thank You.

Homesick

2007-03-03T15:32:00.000-08:00

I have been through a lot of changes in the past few months. That's nothing though compared to what's been going on in my mind lately. I've been here in Vancouver for almost 6 months now. I got a new job, moved to a new apartment, met a lot of new people and visited some new places. Everything is quiet. Everything looks stable.. except my mind.

I've been stressing a lot lately. I have been thinking of my way of life here and back in the Philippines. When I start comparing, it is very clear to me that I had a better life when I was in the Philippines. Yes I'm making more money here. Yes I'm putting more on savings here. Yes I have better appliances and gadgets here. But you know what, I was still so much happier when I was living in my little apartment with a lot less than perfect set of appliances and furnitures, making just enough money to pay for my bills with a little extra, not much of it going to savings. I was much happier when I was commuting through the slow traffic compared to my trips on the reliable and fast buses and trains of Vancouver. I was happier just window shopping for techno gadgets as compared to now that I can buy some of it with less pain on the pocket.

What makes that so? I think it's really the people. The saying that goes "you can't buy happiness" will be appropriate here. No matter how much money you have in the world if you don't have the people you like around you, it's no use. You cannot be truly happy with just material stuff. And now I can attest to that. I am a living proof.

I am homesick. I miss my real home.

Dreams....

2007-02-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

Paulo Coelho said in one of his books, "when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires to make your wish come true".

This is said of dreams, but can it also refer to people? To some, this might actually be true. For most, I would say it's actually not. How many people have we seen who actually got whoever they wanted just for sheer persistence? One? Two? Compare that to the number of people we know who did not end up with the person they really wanted/loved...

Just a thought...

The Pad

2007-01-19T18:50:00.000-08:00

My apartment looks good now.

A friend gave me a couch, a table and 2 chairs a few days ago. That makes my apartment fully-furnished now. I like how it looks now and I love the freedom I have in it. Now I can think. Now I can rest. Now I can plan.

I planned to do my laundry today, vacuum everywhere, clean the bathroom, arrange my closets.. and I've done it all! I feel more organized again. I feel in control. I felt so good I finally went for my haircut. I look very different now from the long-haired guy I was just an hour ago. I am clean cut again.. newly shaven, short-cropped hair, casual look.

It is time for me to take control of my life again. I am not letting circumstances dampen my spirit. I am going to drive towards my goal, with confidence... and with hope.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

A Visitor for the Holidays

2007-01-03T00:41:00.000-08:00

Not much of a surprise, but it still got me excited. My sister spent the holidays with me here in Vancouver. I was able to convince her to fly from Montreal and stay here for a few days.

And since she spent only 9 days here, she had a hectic schedule. From the moment she arrived until she finally flew back to Montreal, she did not have much rest. We went from one house to another, eating and drinking. She and her friend went from one place to another, taking in the sites and sounds of Vancouver. We shared some laughs with new friends. And we had fun!

Next time, It's my turn to be the visitor. :p

So Elusive....

2006-12-11T22:19:00.000-08:00

Why is it becoming so hard for me to make the choice now? I am looking for an apartment/suite to move into. I have had several choices but I can't seem to find the perfect place. Is there such a thing anyway? I don't know if I'll ever find it. I am hoping I will. But I do not have the luxury of time to wait. I have to make the decision before the weekend. I have to choose. Argh!

Hunting

2006-12-05T22:37:00.000-08:00

I have been hunting.. not for girls.. not for game either.. I've been house-hunting. The past 3 weeks were dedicated to looking for a place to move into. I want one where I can do anything, so I can start organizing my life again and start thinking. There's a lot of things I need to think about. I need to plan. I plan to study. I plan to earn and save money. I plan to build a career. I plan to start a new life here in Vancouver.

I was near to closing some deals, but always, something always comes up, like a change in the terms of the deal, somebody already takes the place, or I can't afford it any longer after recomputing the expenses. I guess they just weren't meant to be my new home. So I am still in the lookout. I'm still hunting...

Random Ranting...

2006-11-01T06:34:00.000-08:00

After another paycheck, I went around Vancouver with my cousin hunting for a costume he can wear as Oberon: King of the Fairies, for his school play (A Midsummer Night's Dream). We took the seabus to North Van to check out Capilano Mall and their stores there. I was expecting to see a big Wal-mart and Sears in there but to my utter disappointment, it was just a little mall. Needless to say, we did not find something that suited him. Given that halloween was very close by, we were expecting a lot of stores to be selling costumes. He's 14 by the way, but he's 6'2" tall too. We scoured downtown but we didn't find any. Then he suddenly remembered seeing a hobby shop a block away from our house so we decided on going there. We were passing through Pacific Center mall on our way to the Skytrain when I spotted a Footlocker and saw the jacket I've been wanting to buy since I saw it 2 weeks before. I tried on different sizes and finally decided I needed it anyway so I bought it. Then on to the Skytrain.

Upon reaching the hobby shop, we had a little shout of victory when we saw that it was still open. We were afraid it would be closed when we get there as the play was already the next day. We entered the store and knew right then and there that we've found it. There was an array of wigs, masks, costumes... all around you'll see something that can be used for halloween or even for horror/fantasy movies. We went home satisfied and ready for the next day. I wasn't dressing up for halloween so I didn't need to buy a costume.

Whew!

2006-10-26T03:14:00.000-07:00

It feels like it's only been yesterday since I posted on this blog but look! It's been 16 days! Time flies. I guess that's because in the past 16 days I had a lot of fun so I didn't even feel the time slip away. So today, I'll list 16 things I did in the past 16 days.

1. I met one of my aunts and her husband for the first time.
2. I met a new friend (their friend).
3. I went around Vancouver (Stanley Park, Elizabeth Garden, Boedel Observatory, etc..) with them.
4. I ate crabs!! (yum!)
5. I ate sushi almost everyday at work.
6. I went to Robson street (shopping district) in downtown Vancouver.
7. I ate at a buffet restaurant! (5 rolls of sushi, about 30 pieces of prawns, a serving of noodles, duck, 16 pieces of siomai, a few carrot sticks ang other veggies...)
8. I had a nice walk around downtown.
9. I rode some new bus routes.
10. I went shopping! (spent close to 300 bucks..)
11. I took my first call as a financial service advisor.
12. I processed my first balance transfer for a cardmember for 6,091.00 US$.
13. I met 2 beautiful people at class (sadly we only have them until Friday).
14. I had good sleep everyday.
15. I had my first paycheck too by the way.
16. I'm doing my laundry now.

:p

Living life...

2006-10-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

I have been in Vancouver for exactly 4 weeks now. I prepared myself for a lot of shock before I came as I was sure the weather, culture and the way of living here will be very different from what I'm used to.

Living away from your home country is hard. You get very far out of your comfort zones. It's a totally new ballgame as they say. Usually, people work abroad to try and save money so you can go back to your country with an improved life as you have more financial freedom. I am determined not to do this. I see a lot of people who just keep working their butts off earning a lot of money and saving everything. They work 5, maybe 10 or even 20 years and then retire in their home country. Sure they have more money. Are they happy though?

Many people in this situation are not. They regret not having had to spend the time with their families or friends. They regret not having fun and enjoying the fruits of their labor when they can. by the time they had enough money to retire, they're not fit enough anymore to do those things that they dreamed of doing before they started working like there was no tomorrow. Now this is not only true to those working abroad. It rings true to everyone who spend all their time working.

I am determined not to let this happen to me. I think many people from my generation see this also. Money is there to be earned and enjoyed, maybe save some for emergency. It is there to help you enjoy the things life can offer while you can. It is meant to buy you trips, adventure or even simple guilty pleasures. It is a tool and not the goal.

I intend to live life to the fullest. And I will.

A New Home

2006-10-04T23:27:00.000-07:00

We have started using our tools on the job. There's about 5 software that we will be using when attending to our customers' needs. They're pretty neat too. A lot has really happened since the days of banking through paper. I now understand more about how a credit card transaction is processed. I now also possess knowledge about a lot of bank jargons and laws. But that's not what I wanted to write on today...

I have here a picture of me and some of my classmates. There's 10 of us, 11 including our trainer (a.k.a. facilitator). Our group is a very diverse one. We're of different colors, races, ages, cultures, religions, and just about anything that you can discriminate on. But at work, we recently had our lesson on fair lending. Everywhere I look in my new environment, I see fairness. At work, in the train or bus, in restaurants... everywhere! It's nice to live in a place like this. I've always dreamed of a place where everybody is treated equally. It looks like I have found a place very close to the one in my dreams. I'm actually starting to love British Columbia, Canada. Beautiful British Columbia.

Of course, there's no place like home. But who said anything about having only one home?

Crabbing..

2006-10-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

One thing I have been looking forward to in my stay here in Vancouver is crabbing. I have heard a lot of great things about this pastime in BC and everyone who does this seems to love it! My uncle used to go to the beach a lot to set up his traps. He made his own crab traps you see. And he made a little money out of them too as everyone uses the same style of traps that he used to make. Some people even came to him to buy some of them. He does not do that anymore though.

So this morning, my uncle and I went to Jericho beach. He also let me drive his car so I can adapt to the way of driving here before I take my tests for my BC driver's license. It was early in the morning, pretty cold and not many people were awake so the roads were still pretty empty. Pretty nice start for my Saunday eh?

We got there at around 6:45am so we had about an hour to catch some crabs and go back home because my aunt will be using the car at 8. There was one Asian guy with crab traps setup on the dock too. We brought home only two crabs, even if a lot of crabs were caught in the traps, as there is a regulation on the size of crabs that one can bring home.

I spent the rest of the day eating, watching movies and playing cards. Now I'm alone in my room again and just clicking away on my laptop. Crabbing was the highlight of my day. I'm putting a check on that one on my to-do-in-Vancouver list. What's next?

I predict it will be... clubbing. :p We'll see.

9 days..

2006-10-01T00:47:00.000-07:00

This time, 9 days passed before I came back here. Much has happened since, but most of it is just routine.

I started work last Monday and I got to meet new people. There's only 10 of us in the class and we'll be together for 10 weeks. Our first week together was fun since we're just learning new things (like in school) and we even have fun doing some of the activities in training. Each day we learn things about each other and I'm sure by the end of the 10 week training, we'll all be real friends already. Most of them are married and with kids already and are at the age of 35 up. Only four of us are under 28.

I caught a little of the colds virus this week too. Everybody in the house has been a bit sick, but I'm glad I have a tougher immunity system than them. There's no need to worry about me since I'm pretty healthy. I eat right, and I even eat more fruits and vegetables these days.

Today we went to the farm and got some goat meat and pork. Tomorrow I'll be going crabbing with my uncle. I'm excited about this! I'm even having a hard time in getting to sleep. I'm always like this when I'm anticipating something. I can always sleep when we get back. :p

3 Days...

2006-09-21T04:09:00.000-07:00

That's how long I haven't written anything here. How much has happened in that time? Let's see...

Monday
I went to City Central to fill up the job offer from Chase. I was missing just a few requirements, like my diploma and my driver's license (they need the BC driver's license which I will not have for another 2 months maybe). Chris was very helpful and she said I can just bring them on Monday when I formally start training. She'll take care of everything else. She's so sweet. :) Oh I also had to have a Canadian bank account so they can pay me. She recommended Coast Capital because they had only a few service charges. I told her I was going to open one at HSBC anyway but I'll drop by Coast Capital to see what they had before I headed to Broadway. I went down and looked for Coast Capital's office and voila! There it was, but with no lights. Unfortunately the bank was closed and will open only Tuesdays thru Saturdays. I thought to myself it didn't matter, and headed back to the Skytrain.
I got off at Broadway and started walking down Commercial, looking for the driver's licensing station. A Filipina who seemed lost caught my attention before entering the office. She asked me where Arbutus and 12th was. We were right on 12th so I told her she can just walk (maybe 30 minutes walk I said) or go to Broadway and ride the bus. I went into the office to ask my questions about getting a BC driver's license. When I got back out, I saw her, still looking at her map. I told her if she wanted I can walk with her since it was on my way. So we did walk. We talked and talked while walking, but the road just kept on going. When finally we had to part, we realized it was almost an hour already since we started. I gave Clavell (that's her name) my number and she told me she'd call. She was planning to go around downtown Vancouver and see the sights since she had to go back to the UK (where she's an RN) on Wednesday. I went to the HSBC Canada branch over at Broadway and concentrated on what I had to do.
I asked customer service how I could go about paying my HSBC Philippines credit card bill. The lady told me they weren't really connected to HSBC Phils. yet so there's no way I can do that without contacting my home bank first. I was already there so I figured I should just open a bank account with them anyway. So I took some brochures to read about their products. I realized there were so many things I had to consider before deciding where to open. I left the bank and headed home.
I took a nap and when I woke up, my aunt told me someone called. That's probably Clavell. I was awake the entire night but she didn't call back anymore.

Tuesday
I woke up at 11am. The sun was shining brightly though I seemed to remember the news saying it was still going to be rainy until Wednesday. And that's why I didn't have anything planned for the day. I spent the entire day inside the house, just eating and watching TV and talking to my cousins. Clavell called during mid-afternoon but she has been to English Bay and she only called to say thanks and bye for now. It was a pretty insignificant, sunny day.

Wednesday
I woke up at 930. I planned to go back to City Central so I dressed up and got ready. I rode the bus for the first time in here in BC, going to the Broadway station of the Skytrain. I arrived at SFU (within City Central) and felt relieved when I saw that Coast Capital was open. I charged in and told them I was going to open an account with them. Sharon the receptionist, told me that part of the requirements was a proof of address, which I didn't have because I thought the SIN and PR cards were enough. It felt bad to be disappointed but hey, what can I do? It's their policy. So I told Joe (a Filipino financial representative at the bank) that I'd just call him or go back when I had a proof of address.
I headed back to the Skytrain. I got off at Metrotown to see the shopping mall there. It was pretty nice. I got myself an umbrella as it was cold and raining outside. The complex was similar to the malls in Toronto and Montreal so it's nothing new really. After that I went to Waterfront but decided it was too cold and the rain was too strong for a walk over there and at downtown so I headed back home.
I went to Kingsgate mall to buy some lottery tickets and a bus pass for October. After that, I received a call from Roger's asking if I was free for an interview tomorrow for a part time job. I went to sleep right after eating and watching "Collateral".

That's it. Whew!
That's it.

Merry goin' around...

2006-09-17T23:07:00.000-07:00

This day was pretty tiring. We went around downtown Vancouver, North Vancouver and West Vancouver today. I saw a lot of places and familiarized myself a bit on the streets today. I've been reading about getting a BC driver's license and tomorrow, I'm planning to go to an ICBC and ask how to go about securing a BC driver's license within the next 80 days.

But like I said, this day was tiring. I've to hit the sack now. Tomorrow I will be signing Chase's job offer at 11am. So see you all again tomorrow.

Happy Birthday!!

2006-09-17T01:37:00.000-07:00

To me. :p Today is my birthday. I am sooo blessed to belong to an extended family. My immediate family lives away from me. My parents are in the Philippines and my sister is in Montreal. But I am living with my uncle and his family and you know what, they threw some sort of a birthday party for me today! with the cake and the pancit (noodles). They cooked a lot of food that even if we had many visitors today, there was a lot of leftover after we finished. I got to meet new people again today. There was Eddie, Freddie, Chiqui and this fair-complexioned Chinese-looking girl whose name I already forgot. Jean and Joan were there too and so were uncle Romy and his kids. I had a great time with them! I even had my own cake! :D

My first birthday in Canada was a blast. I hope my whole life in Canada will be as fun.

The Waiting Game...

2006-09-16T02:46:00.000-07:00

I woke up a little earlier today. It was time to wait for the call from Chase. I was positive they'd call me. I was very hopeful they'd extend me a job offer. So I waited. I watched TV and answered a crossword puzzle to pass the time. I went to the net and chatted with some friends too. I called Monina after a few hours of waiting. She said she just got a call from Eric though it wasn't a job offer yet. It was a follow up to the question they skipped during the interview. We chatted a little more before I went back to waiting.

My uncle, aunt and cousins arrived. They asked me if I got a call already. And then the call finally came. I was very happy to hear Chris Barry's voice. She was the one who facilitated our assessment and I was looking forward to talking to her again, even if I wasn't getting the job. Actually, she called to give me the job offer. So she outlined what Chase can offer to me and I accepted. I will be filling up some necessary documents on Monday and will start training on the 25th. I told her that was a nice birthday gift. :)

We also went out to play basketball today. After that we went to Jean and Joan's place for dinner. I met more new people today. It was fun getting to know other Filipinos here in Vancouver. I lost 20 bucks today on a card game, but that's okay. It's nothing compared to the blessings that have come to me in the past few days.

Thank God for that!

After the job interview...

2006-09-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

So here I am, the night after the job interview. I'll walk you through what happened today.

I woke up at 11am (I have got to start sleeping and waking up earlier). After dressing up, I thought I'd go out without a jacket, but the breeze outside made me hesitate, and finally decide to take my jacket with me. Autumn is starting and so the air is starting to get colder.

I boarded the skytrain soon as one stopped in front of me. At the second stop, I noticed the train calling "Millennium Line to VCC Clark". That's when I realized I boarded the wrong train! Ha ha.. I was smiling to and at myself when I got off at the next stop, ready to wait for the right train. The rest of the journey to Surrey went fine.

I arrived in the Chase office at 1:50pm but my schedule was not until 230pm. I was surprised to see Monina (she's someone I met the day before who was once an OM for e-Telecare). She told me she was there for an interview too, at 2pm. She was called first, as expected, and I was left in the reception area to wait. Leslie (she's from HR) called me at around 230 and we had a nice conversation. After that she told me, (and these were her exact words) "If you can wait, I would love to endorse your resume to Eric, my Hiring Manager". Spoken like a true angel. Of course I waited. :p

When Eric finally got to me, (I was interviewed right after Monina) I followed him to the conference room and we had a little chat about my resume. He asked me some behavioral and situational questions, before we went on with simulating a call. That part scared me a little. It's been a long time since I last handled a service to sales call! I gave it my best and fortunately, the feedback that Eric gave me wasn't that bad. I expected much worse honestly.

They said they'd have to confer first and then maybe let me know tomorrow whether I get the job or not. I came home with a smile on my face, hoping for the best to actually happen. Pray for me my dear readers. I'll talk to you again tomorrow. :p

What's it like in Vancouver?

2006-09-14T00:49:00.000-07:00

Before I came here, I wondered how life is gonna be here. Will it be easy? Will it be full of difficulties and trials? Will I encounter weird people and situations? How is it gonna be different from my life in the Philippines? These are questions that kept me from coming here and starting a new life. Finally, I decided to come here and here's what's happened to me in the past 2 days.

I arrived in the airport feeling a bit uneasy. That's because I don't really know anyone here. I have an uncle whom I haven't seen for the longest time and I don't even know how he looks like anymore. I have an ex-girlfriend here but she doesn't want to see me anymore. Who wouldn't feel uneasy?

Well I was looking around and I saw someone who looks familiar, I immediately thought it was my uncle. He was trying to catch my attention as I decided what to do next and so I concluded it was him. He took me to his house and I dropped all my bags in the room. I chatted with him and his family for a few hours and then finally hit the sack at night. I got an hour's sleep then woke up and went on the net. Some friends of mine were online so we chatted until the wee hours of the morning. I was definitely feeling homesick already. I was sending messages to people I care about in the Philippines until about 5am before I finally got back to sleep.

I stayed home and just watched TV when I woke up. I got excited when I saw some call center ads in a magazine. I decided to apply in both companies. I prepared my resume and sent it to their recruitment emails. I decided to go to Chase's open house the next day. It excited me just thinking about the trip going to Surrey. It was gonna be my first time commuting in British Columbia (BC).

So I woke up the next day feeling good. I dressed up and took the Vancouver map and my pen and started out for Surrey. I walked to the Broadway station (it was kind of a long walk I might add) and paid my fare then rode the train. I had to pass through 3 zones to get there so it took quite some time before I got there. I got off the train at Surrey Central station and went down, all the while trying to orient myself where I was with the help of the map. I was looking around when voila! The building was right in front of me! I charged on and went right at the open house, which actually hasn't started yet. They were still setting up stuff when I entered the room so I was asked to wait outside.

I met an Ilocana and a Pakistani at the open house. We exchanged some stories and ate some of the food they served before parting and hoping to see each other again. I was scheduled for an interview the next day after the assessment exam. We joined the facility tour and got to see the workplace before I headed back to Vancouver. I took some pictures on the way back (which I'm going to post after I reduce them to smaller files). When I got home, my aunt told me she received a call from the convention center asking me to go there and maybe start working there as soon as possible. That I owe to my uncle who works there.

My first 2 days here has been a blast. Things that I didn't expect happened and now, I am even selling life here to some of my friends. I miss the Philippines, there's no doubt about that. And it will always be my home. But I think I can build another home here too. Why not? Two is almost always better than one right?

Happy Days

2005-12-01T11:36:00.000-08:00

Oh happy days! They're here! It must be because it's December once again. A month of joy! A month of positive things! Let us all be merry! It's Christmastime!

:p

What's Love Got To Do With It?

2005-11-28T13:19:00.000-08:00

Oh whats love got to do, got to do with it
What`s love but a second hand emotion
What`s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart
When a heart can be broken

Many people are afraid to love again. After getting hurt, they do not think they can handle any more. Is it really worth the risk? It is crazy. People tend to say a lot of things when they're in love. Ironically, they contradict their very own declarations when they fall out of it. Or vice versa.

What`s love got to do, got to do with it
What`s love but a sweet old fashioned notion
What`s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

Love is becoming less than what it used to be. A lot of people are becoming jaded. Love seems to be only for the romantics nowadays. People are becoming practical. People tend to use their minds over their hearts now.

I'm just wondering.

How long has it been?

2005-11-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

Months I would say.. It's been that long since I last did it? Wow! That's so not good! I love doing it! It's a wonder why I waited this long before I am gonna do it again. Well today, I will make sure I do it! The day won't pass without me having done the deed! You see, I love doing it 3 or more times , one after the other. It's more fun that way! I don't get tired easily doing it. The most I had was maybe 10. In one day! Imagine that!! I just love watching movies....

Beer...

2005-11-27T07:39:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna stop drinking beer again. Yesterday I drank just 5 or 6 bottles in a friend's birthday party. I went home feeling okay, and I went to sleep upon arriving home. But the moment I woke up, I knew something was amiss. I felt nauseous. My insides were turning over. For the next 10 hours, I felt like that. And threw up several times. I emptied my stomach in the toilet bowl. I tried eating after that but anything I ate, just went right back out.

Earlier I got a couple of beers at a bar. I didn't finish the second one. I decided to drink only hard drinks again, the way I used to. And I will do it.

No more beers for me. (At least until New Year's) :p

8 2 3...

2005-11-22T19:05:00.000-08:00

Yes I am... 8 2 3... Figure it out. No clues.

:p

I am happy!!

2005-11-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

Yes I am!! :p

To my trusted readers..

2005-11-13T13:36:00.000-08:00

This is an open letter to the select few that I have entrusted this blogspot to.

I have allowed you access to my inner thoughts through this blog. I trust you will be taking care not to let others read this without my permission. You know how sensitive some of the stuff that I write in here are. I use a pseudonym to protect my identity, much like other writers. I show how weak I am emotionally to a select few. You belong to that group. So please help me protect my privacy.

This is a public blog. But my identity is private. This space is my refuge.

I have decided...

2005-11-11T16:20:00.000-08:00

I am reviving this blog yet again. The reason why I stopped posting here, does not make sense to me anymore. I don't care about that anymore. This has been my home for quite some time and I am not giving it up just because...

And so the unclouded mind will bring out its juices once again and give you my readers some worthwhile reading.. I hope. :p

Sad to say goodbye...

2005-10-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

I hate to do this, but this will be my last post on this blogspot. I will be creating a new one.

To my readers and friends, I will give you the new URL through your emails.

Thank you for being with me through all this time.

Love at war...

2005-10-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

"There is no love in peace". While I was reading Paulo Coelho's The Valkyries early this morning, I ran into this line. I thought for a moment and pondered on it. I can believe it easier if Paulo said "There is no peace in love" instead of this. The character in his book pondered on the words too and thought to herself exactly what I thought. She never found peace when she was in love. There was either deep sadness, intense joy or agony.

Love is very dynamic. It moves the world. A song goes, "Love moves in mysterious ways". We never know what will happen next when we are in the battlefield of love. We may lose, we may win. Victory belongs not to the one who wins a battle, but to the one who wins the war.

One-liner...

2005-10-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes... people can be so stubborn.

Can't Fight This Feeling....

2005-10-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

I will never forget this song from the first time I heard her sing it. She started singing it like it was nothing. And then I saw the flicker in her eye, a flicker of recognition. And then she sang with more feelings. She kept singing, while listening to herself. A smile started to show. And her eyes grew brighter. She was so happy! I can't help but look at her, smile to myself, and be mesmerized just listening to her voice and looking at her face.

Can you believe one can be so happy just looking at how happy his loved one is? I can.

Can’t Fight This Feeling

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I say there is no reason for my fear
'Cuz I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

(solo) My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been runnin' round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you girl
'Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

run...

2005-10-26T10:16:00.000-07:00

a little speck of light flickers in the dark. i can see it clearly though. but it's so small that i am afraid it will die down anytime. i have got to get to it fast. maybe fan it up. make it bright again. i've got to run.. towards that little ray of hope... run... and fast...

To Friendship and Forever...

2005-10-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

I got this line from a friend's blog. It was such a coincidence that after waking up, I thought of writing something about friends today. So before I start, a toast.. "to friendship and forever"!!

I have a lot of friends. I have friends from my childhood, from the schools I attended, from work, and people I met and got close to in one way or another. My closest group of friends, I call them COPs. They are the people with whom I have shared most of my life. They are practically brothers and sisters to me already.

Then there are them with whom I became really close to after having a relationship (or a special bond). They are the ones with whom I share intimate secrets with. Just between us.

And there are many others still...

I've fallen in love a lot of times too. Idealists thinkthere is only one person in this world whom you will love with all your heart. I do not think so. I have fallen in love several times and I always give my whole heart when I do.

I have loved and failed several times, but my relationship with my friends has endured all tests of time. We have had misunderstandings, fights and all, but we always patched things up. No matter how many times I commit mistakes, or offend them, they are still there for me when I need them. Now that's friendship. I treasure my friends a lot.

I once made the mistake of detaching myself from my friends just to please my girl at the time. She was so jealous and demanding, she wanted all my time for her. So I did spend all my time with her for a few months, thinking she'll change her mind and begin to trust my friends too. She didn't. We broke up after because she had someone else. I was depressed. Guess who came running to my side when I needed the moral support... my friends! The same friends I disregarded for so long just to please this girl. Of course they told me they were quite disappointed when I did that, but the important thing is, they are beside me once again and are having fun just spending time with me, even while I was hurting.

And so I vowed to never do that again. I treasure my friends. It's hard to find friends like them. They are like a few needles in a 20 foot haystack. Relationships come and go, but friends won't.

Friends can only be friends if you let them be your friends. So don't discard them from your life. Instead, invite them to share every moment.

I raise my glass one more time... "to friends and forever".

Cheers!

P.S.
To my friends, you know who you are.. I love you!

The letter...

2005-10-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

Soon you will read one of the most difficult letters I ever have to make. I will be constructing it when I have the time and the guts to write it. Right now, I have several excuses to postpone writing this letter. I know though that soon I will have to write it. It pains my heart to have to do this, but my mind dictates that I should. So I'll run away from the task for now as I do not have the courage yet to face it.

More to come...

An Ode to my Love

2005-10-20T14:59:00.000-07:00

People say you have what other girls want
A face that is so beautiful and elegant
With a very gorgeous body to match
You really are a very prized catch

Your physical traits are overwhelming
It seems like you are a perfect being
Prettier than Aphrodite herself
I can't help but question myself

Am I dead, am I already in heaven?
What luck did I get that made this happen?
I see in front of me the face of an angel
Playfully smiling, as sweet as caramel

With eyes that twinkle in the dark
A smile that can light up a whole park
You are the epitome of beauty
And I adore you ultimately

Song of the broken heart...

2005-10-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

Save Me

I've gotta stop my mind
Working overtime
It's driving me insane
It will not let me live
Always so negative
It's become my enemy

Save me

Why would I think such things
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
Gaining momentum fast
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind
To a fake fantasy
And none of these thoughts are real
So why is it that I feel
So cut up and so bad
I need to take control
My mind is on a roll
And it isn't listening to me

Save me
thinking and thinking

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest of them all
Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second
Be aware it's just your mind
And you can stop it anytime

Save me
thinking and thinking

Ok so here we go
If it works I'll let you know
One. two. three.

I say stop

Missing....

2005-10-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

I am missing a lot of people.

I miss my family. They're in Canada right now and I'm here in the Philippines. I have a visa, but I am not going there. I cannot bring myself to go there. My heart is right here.

I miss Her. I miss everything that we do together. I miss all the times we shared together.

I miss the laughter and the tears.
I miss the fun and the fears.
I miss the hugs. I miss our talks.
I miss holding her hand when she walks.

She's my friend and my love, and I miss her a lot.

I miss my friend. He does not want to talk to me. He is a great guy. He's been through a lot, and he is going through a lot more, but he remains standing, and fighting. I have great respect for him. And I am sorry I caused one of the pains he's carrying right now. I just hope we could patch things up soon.

Sigh......

To the women out there...

2005-10-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back whenyou hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of hisfriends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares aboutyou and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

Waiting....

2005-10-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

I can't wait to see your smile. I can't wait to hear your voice. *Sigh*

Realization...

2005-10-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

Time has come. Everybody's hurting. There's no way of running from it anymore. We must face life and all its complexities. Now is the time. Afraid, we might be, but we have to be brave. We are at war. And the battlefield is love. Several lives are being changed right at this instant by even the littlest decisions and actions we make. Peace talks abound. We hope they result to better relationships. The fact remains though, that we are at war. And though everybody's wounded, we fight on. For this is also a battle for our lives.

When the dust settles, peace will be restored. Relationships may not be the same as before, but we will all lick our wounds. Some of us might have to do it alone, and some others will be doing it in the comfort of their loved ones. But everybody will move on. Life must go on.

Can you see the smile on my face?

2005-10-17T07:09:00.000-07:00

THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I HAVE BEEN FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW!

LIFE IS GOOD! LIFE IS BEEEEEAUUUUTIFUL!! :p

I want to write...

2005-10-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

but I can't think...
I feel the need to write...
but of what?

:p

Thinking of you...

2005-10-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

It's only been a short time since we met
You won't believe what I'll say I bet
I developed this attraction to you
In every little thing that you say or do
There's something in the way you say a phrase
That can place a smile on my face
I don't know what I saw in you
What I do know is that I love you

Wounded Hearts

2005-10-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

Martyrs we call them. They are the ones who continuously love no matter how battered their hearts become. Some say they are blinded by love. That can be true, but I say it's also a question of choice. And that decision is one of the best decisions one can ever make in his life.

Can we blame them? Maybe you have not loved the way they surrender to love yet. It looks like it is suffocating, but it is also liberating. For they can express the love they feel anytime, and everytime. I admire people like this.

The one you love or the one who loves you? This question has been posed to a lot of people. And they have different answers. Follow your heart or your mind? Emotion or reason? Most cases are accompanied by difficult circumstances. There's no real right choice though. To each his own. I made a choice. Ultimately, it's your decision.

Hope

2005-10-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

Sucked into a hole of nothingness
I stumble in the dark
Where are you?
I need you
I crave for you
But this hunger cannot be satisfied
I want

I create a parallel reality in my mind
I spin a web of alternate realities
In fact, they are just fantasies
I am helpless
All I can do is go with the flow
I am dragged by the system
It is too powerful
I do not have enough strength
I am weary
Tired of fighting
I submit
I succumb to the power
To my surprise, it gives me strength
A ray of light in the cold, dark cave
A spring of hope in the desert
And I begin to believe again
I will live

How much do I love you?

2005-10-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

"Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But only half as much as tomorrow"

The song says it all. :p

High

2005-10-11T18:48:00.000-07:00

Caffeine? Drugs? Carbonated drinks? What makes one "high"?

I get a lot of highs. They are mostly due to lack of sleep, maybe a little happy moment once in a while. But I admit, I easily get "high". What can I do? I am a happy person. People say I am weird. I think I am unique. My positive outlook in life makes me look at problems in a different way than most other people. I take it as a fact of life that problems come, sometimes little and sometimes big. But I believe it only depends on who is carrying it.

Some say I'm a masochist. They say I like getting into complicated situations. Maybe I do. But I don't see it that way. I just don't want to contain my thoughts and feelings when I'm happy. So it does not matter to me if situations are simple or complicated. I decide what I do with my life. I know the consequences of my decisions. Even if they come out different than I expect or hope, I know that there's nobody else to blame but myself. If I fall, I'll just pick myself up again. I might need the moral support of my family and friends, I know they will be there. For I am wealthy. I am very rich when it comes to friends.

Back to the highs of my life. What keeps me high right now is love. If you read the previous posts, you'll see how deep I have fallen. It keeps me... feeling. There are good and bad times. There are sad and happy moments. These times spice up life. So I treasure all of them. For I know that one day, I'll look back. And all of these memories will be happy memories, no matter how painful some of them may be at present.

Her eyes...

2005-10-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

The most beautiful eyes on any man
I have seen them in this lovely woman
They twinkle so bright, and dance in the light
Like two brilliant stars in a charming night

To The One..

2005-10-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

I have fallen, and so in love right now!!
Really, but I don't exactly know how
Everytime I look at her face
Nothing else, I can do, but praise
Everytime I hold her hand
Think I'm floating over the land
Once I see her flash a smile
Living life becomes worthwhile
Everytime I hear her sing
Damn! I think "she's so mesmerizing"
Or when she talks to me with those eyes
Man, I cannot tell her any lies
Everytime she comes near
Joy lights up my face, so clear
I love her, that I am sure
And I'll love her with all I can endure

Untitled

2005-10-06T00:51:00.000-07:00

Come to me
Let me heal your wounds

Walk with me
Feels like a dozen swoons

Talk to me
I'll be your reality

Fly with me
Let's defy gravity

Dance with me
And show me your grace

Sing with me
And light up my face

Laugh with me
Let's take all the happiness

Love with me
Boundless and endless

Apologies...

2005-10-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

I am sorry only for not writing everything that I want to write in here. I assure you though that I am happy. Very. Please do not think I am being selfish if I do not share my happiness by writing about it in here. I just want to cherish the moments by myself first. But I will write.

Maybe later.. :p

A Kiss...

2005-10-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

Keep It Simple and Sweet
Keep It Safe and Sound
Keep It Short Sweetheart

Can you think of more meanings of KISS? :p Post them now!

For Moni...

2005-10-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

Moni..

You are someone's moon

To him you're the one who lights up the dark times

You are always a welcome sight

Moni..

You're a caterpillar in your cocoon

Waiting for the time to shine, till the hour chimes

And you come out to the light

Moni..

2005-10-01T19:34:00.000-07:00

"Not For Sale" by Tina Arena

Here we are.. face to face
Who would have ever believed
We could end up in this place
You and I we've come so far
And darlin' though
You're amazed
That I keep on loving you more everyday
But there's something I want you to know

Even if all my dreams should come true
Even if I should failI made you a promise
So don't you worry
This soul is not for sale
Not for sale

You're the one
When it rains
Who I can run to for cover
And comfort from my pain
And bloom like a rose in your sun
And we hold on
To what is real
Not willing to sacrifice this love that we feel
Cause we know where our joy comes from

Even if all my dreams should come true
Even if I should fail
I've made you a promise
So don't you worry
This soul is not for sale
Even if all my dreams should come true
Even if I should fail
I've made you a promise
So don't you worry
This soul is not for sale
This soul is not for sale
Not for sale
Baby it's not for sale

Isn't it great to be in love? You can just hold on to even the thinnest thread, even if you are already feeling miserable, but still find joy in what you're doing. It's even greater to be loved. Nothing beats the feeling that in anything you do, someone finds happiness. Even a simple "hi", a smile, a wink, a nod.. even these can make someone's day.

The greatest feeling is when you are loved back. This is just.. perfect. As they say, "no one is perfect until you fall in love with them".

Baby, this soul is not for sale. It's yours.

Time flies...

2005-09-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

Everything's a blur when you live a fast-paced life. Most often, it's because of work. A lot of people tend to put work on top of their priorities, when there's actually more to life than just that. There's an email forwarded to me (by someone, I do not recall anymore who that someone is) that I love recounting to my workaholic friends.

The teacher had a glass jar in front of the class. He filled the jar with some rocks then asked the group if they think the jar full. Of course everyone answered that it was full. Then the teacher put some little stones in the jar and shook it. The little stones filled the spaces between the rocks of course. The teacher asked again if the class thought the jar was full and again, they answered "It is full". The teacher then took some sand and poured it inside the jar. The sand filled the little spaces between the little stones.

The teacher then explained: "You see, the rocks are the really important things in your life; family, religion, friends. The little stones are the necessary things in your life; work, play, travel. The sand symbolizes the trivial things in your life. You see, if you prioritize the trivial things in your life first, there will be no room left for the more important ones."

Then one student noticed 2 cans of beer beside the jar and asked about it. The teacher then opened the beer cans and poured the contents onto the jar. "There's always room for a couple of beers."

:p

I tag you

2005-09-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

My new name is Skippy Snickledoodle!!

We all need a little stress-reliever!
This only takes a minute.
Please don't be a bore and ruin it.

Send it on to everyone you know including the person that sent it to you.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humor!

A= Follow the instructions to find your new name
B= Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer. The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, inwhich the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names.

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.Now when you SEND THIS ON and use your new name as the subject.And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day

For you...

2005-09-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

Stop crying my dear
Wipe away that tear
For you deserve so much more

It is not a failure
Of that, I am sure
Because you learn from it

Life is tough
Things can get rough
But you will be victorious

I believe in you
Other people do too
You are a strong woman

Take it easy
Or keep yourself busy
Do what you need to move on

Someone is waiting
With a lot of loving
For you.

High School...

2005-09-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

...is the best part of my life so far. Hands down. That's when I learned about love. That's when I met my closest friends. That's when I learned that there is more to life than just studying. That's when I learned about life.

It started out smoothly. No snags from grade school. Modesty aside, I entered high school with the top score in the entrance exams so naturally I became quite popular. I started joining organizations; dance club, math club, etc. I started competing inside and outside the school. I competed in sports, quiz bees, even math fairs. I got a lot of exposure to the outside world after being pampered for so long. This is when I learned my life's most valuable lessons.

I learned to keep my friends happy, because they make me happy too. I learned that my family is my most treasured possession. I learned that people do not need to be connected by blood to call each other brother/sister. I learned to take defeat. More importantly, I learned to stand up after being pushed on the ground. There is no problem that cannot be lightened by laughter or a smile. There are countless lessons that life can teach us but we must stop and recognize them first in order to learn.

My high school life shaped every little thing that happened to me after it. All my decisions depended on the lessons that I learned in high school. Though my world was much smaller then than it is now, it was perfect, at least for me.

Back...

2005-09-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

I'm back from another out of town trip last weekend. I'm in the office now and got nothing to do so how better to pass time than to write? So here's what happened to me over the weekend.

Friday was a bad day for me. I left Manila with a friend going to her hometown. I slept during the entire trip! There were several waking moments but I immediately went back to sleep when I saw we weren't there yet. Yes you would imagine it was hard to get some sleep if you're riding a non-airconditioned bus during a hot night with almost all the windows closed, at the backmost seats. But I was really sleepy!

Well we arrived at her place around midnight and I was feeling a lot better. We ate and then talked until the wee hours in the morning. We were joined by her sister and her cousin by the way. That talk was quite a memorable one for all of us I'm sure.

We were woken up by this kid who became fond of me when I first visited there and we played again. I love playing with kids! :p This kid is quite special. I think when he grows up, he'll excel at whatever he does.

I was scheduled to join my friends in a nearby town later in the day. I rode a bus going there. The bus dropped me off several meters from my friend's house so I had to walk back a little. I called the three of them while I was walking only to find out they aren't at home. They went to the market and were gonna pick me up there. It turns out it really was them in the van I thought was my friend's.

We prepared dinner and while doing that, we started chatting over some brandy. We started talking about recent events, catching up on each other. And then the usual stories came out. High school life. I'll talk about that later. We were awake until the wee hours of the morning, just laughing and talking. That was the best time I had in weeks.

I came back to Manila last night and spent another hour with one of them at my place. We had a beer and then dinner before we parted, ready for another grueling week at work.

Bad Mood

2005-09-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

The day has been bad. Early morning I had a talk with my boss. It was still quite okay then. Later in the morning there was an issue about the attendance of one of my agents. It pissed me when she gave me silent treatment. Then we went off to a movie which turned out not quite as I expected it, that was bad. And to top it all, I haven't had any sleep yet!! I'm in a bad mood.

Lunch at Dencio's Scout Albano

2005-09-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

We were quite excited to try out the remodeled Dencio's Grill along Sct. Albano in QC. We saw the original place torn down and rebuilt as our office is right across the street. There were 6 of us in the group.

The new design is very different from the original Dencio's in the same place. If my memory serves me right, the original fostered an atmosphere for conversation. The new design looks a bit like a fastfood store. Chairs are quite hard on the buttocks and tables are.. well, fastfood tables. Food is not better than before, and the serving seems to have shrunk. And for a more expensive price at that.

Overall, I think the new Dencio's is a less appealing version of the original. And if the original closed down, I think this one will too.

Ha ha!

2005-09-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry I just wanted to laugh at myself. The earlier post was published anyway but I do not want to delte any of my posts so I'll keep it there. If anyone is irritated by this, I apologize. :-)

San Nicolas with Irene

2005-09-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

I just hate it when that happens. I wrote a summary of my trip to San Nicolas, Pangasinan earlier. After spending a whole half an hour in finishing that, I click on "Publish Post" and presto! An error comes out. Of course the whole write-up is already lost. So I have to rewrite the entire thing. Alright, here it goes:

The week after my trip to Baguio, I was set to join Irene, a co-worker, on her trip to her hometown. It was their house blessing and she said there would be plenty of food there. Plus she also wanted to introduce me to her sister, Olive. So we went.

Upon arriving there, I immediately felt the hospitality of the people. Everyone was busy preparing something for the feast in the late afternoon, but no one was too busy to entertain me or any of the other guests. That was nice.

Then I met Olive. We did not talk much as she was also busy with the preparations but I thought she looked as pretty as in her pictures. I was also introduced to their cousins and the other family members. They were all happy to see me (I hope).

The feast itself was quite extravagant. A lot of people came to join the celebration but there was enough food and then there was more. The dining table was filled with delicious entrees like "patatim", "caldereta", "kilawing kambing", "pinapaitan", "dinuguan", "menudo", "adobo", etc. I chose to eat only two of my favorite dishes. I went for the "menudo" and the "patatim". Both had pork as the main ingredient. The meat was cooked so well they just melted in your mouth, especially the "patatim".

The evening was spent with the girls belting song after song. When they got tired, we went to bed and I gave Olive her present as her birthday just passed. I think she loved the bracelet I gave her. :-)

We went to their church the next day to attend the service. I was introduced to the congregation. I just loved meeting all those people. I also witnessed one of the best choral performances in my life. There are only a few choir members but their voices were so in tune to each other it felt like I was listening to just one great voice! Stellar performance.

After lunch, we slept a bit as it was siesta. Then off we went to a thanksgiving/birthday/death anniversary celebration. I only ate a little but I tell you, it was hard to stop myself from getting more servings of the delicious "pancit". We came back to Manila after that.

Overall, that trip was a very memorable one. I will go back there before I go to Canada. But I will tell you about that trip next time. :)

San Nicolas with Irene

2005-09-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

The week after the Baguio trip, Irene, one of my co-workers (standing, left, in the picture) invited me to her hometown; San Nicolas, Pangasinan. It was their house blessing/dedication. She also wanted to introduce me to her sister as she knows I was single again. *wink*

So we went. Upon arrival, I immediately felt the hospitality of the people there. I was instantly accepted as part of their family and they were all wearing smiles. Then I met her sister and other members of her family. The morning went on with the preoaration of food. And there was a lot of food!! There were different dishes of goat meat, pork, and beef. There was "kilawing kambing", "caldereta", "pinapaitan", "menudo", "adobo", "patatim" (this one I can't forget), etc. Mind you, they were all delicious so I chose two of my favorite entrees and chowed down. The "patatim" was cooked so well even the pig skin just melts in your mouth. Literally!

The night was spent with the girls belting song after song on the videoke machine. It was a treat hearing those lovely voices. I imagined them serenading me. Ha ha! I like it when a girl sings for me, especially when the girl has a really great voice and can sing very well.

The next day, we went to their church and attended the service. That's where the picture above was taken. I was introduced to the congregation. It was fun meeting all those people. In the afternoon we went to a birthday party/thanksgiving/death anniversary. I ate a little, but it was hard stopping myself from getting more of the tasty pancit.

That was a memorable trip. I will revisit the place soon. I'll tell you about that trip next time. :p

Baguio Trip in August

2005-09-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

I went to Baguio last month and met my friend and my ex there. Last time I went to Baguio before that was July of 2004 with my ex-fiancee, so I was quite thrilled to go back. It was already cold since the rainy days have started. I took lots of pictures while I was there. I just love the scenery, especially after a drizzle. The grass and the trees are just greener and the air becomes cleaner after the rain.

Baguio is a great place for unwinding. It's nice to walk its streets, even with lots of people bustling into clothes and food shops. Yes, shopping is one of Baguio's main attractions these days thanks to "ukay-ukay". I bet even you have gone and bought something from an "ukay-ukay" store. There are lots of rough gems there if you know where to go and what to look for.

Eating is another popular pastime in Baguio. You will see food shops no matter where you go. All the popular fastfood places and fine dining restaurants are there. What you should look out for though are the little eateries that offer the best recipes. You can find many delicious entrees in the little eateries there so do not underestimate them. Plus, they also come cheap.

I loved strolling there too. We drove around in my ex-girlfriend's car and went to places like the Botanical Gardens, Minesview Park, Mansion, Club John Hay and other beautiful places.

So if you are looking for some place to go with the intention of relaxing or having a romantic moment with your loved one, consider going to Baguio.

Have fun!

2005-09-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

This was me taken at the Yacht Club in Subic last April. I went with my fiancee and two friends. Exciting days. I was very happy and content with what I had. Then things started happening, destroying all my plans. Everything just started breaking loose.

For a time I was confused. Then I came to a decision. Again, that plan was terminated because of some new circumstances. I even had to go through a whole week of about 30 minutes of sleep everyday and maybe a bite of food, if I even had the energy and the motivation to eat. You guessed it right, it was a heartbreak.

But I came through, and decided to let it go and enjoy my being single again. That's when I started going out again, just with friends this time. Every weekend I was out of the metropolis. And it's been like that for two months straight now. I can say I'm having the time of my life again. :p

So watch out for my blogs about my trips. Ciao!

My God!

2005-09-19T05:51:00.000-07:00

Last post was February 12??! Wow!

I apologize to you, my readers. I have failed you by not being true to my word when I said I'd write. Much has happened to me in the span of my absence here. I can say in the past 7 months I went through things some people do not even go through their entire lives. Enough of that.

I have been taking pictures in the past 2 months. I will post some of them later and tell you what happened to me. I hope you don't get tired browsing...

7 Things

2005-09-19T05:42:00.000-07:00

Again I was tagged by my friend, Selina. 7 things this time. :-)

7 things that used to scare me
1. death
2. losing in any competition
3. being in a failing relationship
4. ghosts
5. fights (any)
6. emotional confrontation
7. living alone

7 things that scare me now:
1. ghosts
2. being in a place wherein no one speaks the same language i do
3. being broke
4. treading in deep sea
5. being in a vehicle that i can't control
6. skydiving
7. facing a shark in the water

7 things i like the most:
1. playing sports & other games
2. dancing!
3. reading books (fiction, inspirational, autobiographies, interesting facts, etc.)
4. listening to music
5. competition
6. playing with words
7. spending time with my closest friends

7 random facts about me
1. i'm a control freak
2. i'm 5'6 1/2"
3. i spent yesterday with someone i'm interested in :p
4. i'm a cheerful, loving and loyal person
5. i'm a mix of the extremes (homebody but love to travel and go out, enjoys eating a lot of food but can also stop myself from eating, etc.)
6. i'm in the office now. hehe
7. i'm an ilocano

7 important things in my bedroom:
1. my bed
2. my laptop
3. wall clock
4. my favorite books
5. my favorite dvd's and audio cd's
6. my closet
7. some documents

7 things i plan to do before i die:
1. travel, the philippines and the world (and learn the languages while i'm at it)
2. build a foundation that trains less fortunate people (language, vocational courses, anything that'll get them decent jobs)
3. be recognized in at least one sport
4. have my own wife, kids, grandchildren, house and car
5. organize a reunion with all my friends
6. become famous through one of the photos i take
7. fulfill one of my dreams that i will not divulge here (hehe)

7 things i can do:
1. write
2. cook
3. do lettering by hand
4. lick my elbow !!! (can you do this?)
5. eat pancit canton for weeks
6. sleep without moving
7. make a joke sometimes (refer to number 4 hehe)

7 things i can't do:
1. sleep straight for more than 9 hours
2. hold my breath for more than 35 seconds anymore
3. stop myself from moving to a beat
4. paint or draw
5. start the foundation i plan to build yet
6. speak french or japanese yet but i plan to learn those two languages
7. iron clothes

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. hair, teeth and lips
2. wit and humor
3. strong personality
4. front and rear bumpers
5. the way she carries herself (clothes and all)
6. sweetness and thoughtfulness
7. a good singing voice

7 things i say the most:
1. sup?
2. musta?
3. shoot!
4. yo (for yes/hello)
5. how are you?
6. good morning/afternoon/evening
7. hey

Hunting for Money

2005-02-12T12:55:00.000-08:00

In recent weeks, I have been on the hunt for rackets or any additional job where I could earn extra money. I have received some pretty good offers and I have thought of some other moneymaking activities to indulge in.

Today, I will start writing for someone. This blog is meant for my random thoughts so none of the essays or documents I write will be published in this blog spot unless I think they are good for someone else's reading.

I will write about poetry. I will write about economics and business. I will write about politics. I will give my employers a dose of the little creative juice that my brain has. I hope I will not disappoint them.

2005-01-31T07:48:00.000-08:00

Random 10:
1. I knew I loved you before I met you
2. Truly, Madly, Deeply
3. I can't help falling in love with you
4. Kokomo
5. I'll Make Love To You
6. On Bended Knee
7. Another Used To Be
8. All My Life
9. Obladi Oblada (hehehe)
10. American Pie

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer? hundreds....
2. The last CD you bought is: Steps (oh my God! that's already been a looong time!)
3. What is the last song you listened to before this? Let Me Love You
4. Write down five songs you listen to a lot or mean a lot to you:
a) American Pie, I used to listen to this song over and over again when I was in high school. It wasn't new then, but I love it! I used it to lull me to sleep. I memorized the lyrics of this song and this lasts 7 minutes and 26 seconds. It's really long!
b) I knew I loved you before I met you, I just love the song. I believe it can happen.
c) Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin, best love song I can sing. :b
5. Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (3 persons and why)
a) Kate. My love.
b) Kat. One of my best friends.
c) Maynard. Another one of my best friends.

Eleven Minutes by Paolo Coelho

2005-01-23T13:44:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading a book titled "Eleven Minutes" by Paolo Coelho. It told the story of a Brazilian girl who grew up in a little village with dreams of leaving the village one day to have an adventure, and find the man of her life. She did, and got more than what she asked for. She was faced with the harsh reality of life and she learned a lot during her ordeal. In the end, she became happy.

Early in her life, she had once experience that stuck to her all throughout her life and forever changed the way she saw love. She had a crush on this new boy at school and they often walked on the same road to school, but did not talk to each other. One day at school, the boy approached her and asked if he can borrow a pencil. She ran away. The boy never approached her again and soon he left the village.

We all experienced something like this when we were young. It might look like a small thing, but it has a great impact on how we see life from that time on. We learn on these types of experiences.The girl in the story got more life-changing experiences during her adventure. It's best to read it yourself so you can relate to her experiences. The circumstances might not be exactly the same, but you will surely see something that is similar to what you are experiencing right now.

Overall, it's a very good book and Paolo Coelho has done another masterful job. To the girl that inspired this story, I pray for your happiness.

Dilemma

2005-01-08T03:08:00.000-08:00

OMG!! My monthly living expenses is just a few hundreds short of what I earn! What should I do? Two ways to go: take out some of my living expenses, or augment my income. Question is, which route should I take?
I could move to a smaller apartment to save some money from rent. If I do that, I could also have my phone line disconnected. I could use less electricity. I could get rid of the maid. I would buy less food and groceries for the house too if I moved by myself. Another question comes up though: "Do I want to do this?"
I do not know if I could and would. There are a lot of other considerations too, and complications. I'm in a state of dilemma. *sigh*

Slow down...

2005-01-08T02:57:00.000-08:00

Slow down, take a breather
Is what you should do I figure
Smile more, think less
And watch more sunrises
Write a poem, see the sights
Take a walk under starlights
Eat whatever it is you're craving
Embrace the joy that's coming

Why do I want a laptop?

2005-01-08T02:52:00.000-08:00

because it's part of my lifelong dream.
so I could watch movies or use the computer in bed.
so that I can begin writing my "novel" and continue writing wherever I go.
so I can blog.
so that I can write my business plans.
as an upgrade to my computer.
to start a buy and sell business.
and ultimately, I think I want a laptop as a symbol of my indulgence using my hard-earned money so I have motivation to keep working hard. In Filipino, "para mukha rin akong nagtatrabaho para makapagpundar ng sarili kong gamit".

The Mystery of Missing Somebody (or Something)

2005-01-03T01:15:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had that feeling when you just feel incomplete? You look around you and it seems like everything you need is just a few steps away. But something is missing. Or somebody is missing.

Often I have felt like this. And now the feeling is here again. I miss my special someone. I miss her touch, her voice, her smell, her smile... I miss everything about her.

I know we all miss someone with whom we spent at least one special moment before. If missing is that simple, it would not be a mystery. But there are also times when I look for the hurts, the pains of old times. Good times and bad times, I miss. Good people and not so desirable people, I miss. I miss the laughter and fun I shared with my friends in high school, but I also miss the times we get reprimanded because of some mischief we caused. I miss my friends whom I have not seen in a long time, but I also miss those who bullied me or caused me harm in the past. I do not understand. I wonder.

8 Things....

2004-12-30T20:00:00.000-08:00

things about me
8 things I carry (and wear) everyday:
8. wallet
7. cash
6. driver's license
5. atm cards
4. watch
3. cellular phone
2. ring
1. underwear

7 things that annoy me:
7. strong perfumes
6. people talking nonsense
5. braggarts
4. rude people
3. judgmental people
2. narrowminded people
1. my eyes (the doc said my eyes dry up easily that's why they turn red fast and become painful)

6 countries I'll visit soon:
6. hongkong
5. china
4. canada
3. US
2. Italy
1. FRANCE

5 things I want to do before I die:
5. write a book
4. build a whole community
3. be very rich (so i can build a whole community) :p
2. get married
1. have kids

4 things I'm afraid of:
4. extreme pain
3. losing my sight
2. losing my dignity
1. losing all my family and closest friends

3 things I do everyday:
3. read a book or a magazine
2. check my emails
1. send a text message to my loved one (even if we see each other almost everyday)

2 things I'm trying not to do now:
2. being too lax with my responsibilities at work
1. think of the darker side of my life

1 person I want to see now:
1. Kate

Let The Sunshine In

2004-12-19T05:15:00.000-08:00

LET THE SUNSHINE IN
Mommy told me something a little child should know,It's all about the devil and I've learned to hate him so.She said he causes trouble if you let him in the room.He will never ever leave you if your heart is filled with gloom.
CHORUS:
So let the sunshine in. Face it with a grin.Smilers never lose and frowners never win.So let the sunshine in. Face it with a grin.Open up you heart and let the sunshine in.
If I forget to say my prayers the devil jumps with glee,But he feels so awful, awful when he sees me on my knees.If you're full of trouble and you never seem to winJust open up your heart and let the sunshine in.
CHORUS:

I don't really know why this song suddenly came to mind. I was browsing through my friend's blog page when I thought I should leave a message on her tag board. But what message? Then it came to me, "Let the sunshine in, face it with a grin."
I am thinking this is a message delivered to her through me by God. She has been going through some pretty tough situations and I am not sure how she is carrying out. I pray for her safety and peace of mind. I pray for her enlightenment so that she may understand the situation clearly and make the right decisions.
So my friend, I know you're in a tight situation right now. The song speaks of positive thinking, the same subject I wrote about during our recent chat. Maintain your positive outlook in the trials that life puts you through. I'm sure you'll get through all of it, not simply alive and kicking, but flying in bright colors.

The Cracker and Juice Diet

2004-12-17T11:37:00.000-08:00

The psychology behind this is to satisfy the hunger everytime it comes so that you tend to eat less or get hungry less often. After at least 2 weeks, you'll notice you don't really need to eat so much anymore since your body would be looking for water/liquid more than any other food. thus the calorie intake is cut.

Plus if you exercise daily, you shed the fat faster. Dont' be discouraged by initial upsets like gaining a pound or eating too many crackers. It's normal. It is not easy to change your eating habits. It takes some time and determination.

I made this diet myself, because i knew it would work for me. I love crackers. I love juices. And I set my own goals for it too.

Just email me if you want to know the details.

gentleman916@yahoo.com

The Unclouded Mind

2004-11-21T17:03:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a fleeting feeling where your mind just wanders, touching such a long train of thought you sometimes end up losing yourself into the unknown? The mind is a powerful thing. You can go anywhere and do anything in your mind. All great things in this world started with a simple thought, in a simple mind...

This blog spot will serve as an imprint of my unclouded mind. This is the state of mind wherein thoughts just flow in and out of my brain just like that. At this time, I would be heedless of the world, not noticing time and events as they pass me by.